XLR8 Vibe Luna

TL;DR: If you prefer simple, single-rhythm patterns (a basic pulse, for example), you will not like this toy. It doesn't have any of those. If you prefer more complex rhythms (X thing for few seconds, followed by Y, followed by Z) it deserves a look.

Long version:

The good: I like the foundation of this toy: strength of vibration, size, shape, and firmness.

The bad: I _hate_ the controls. There are 2 buttons. Both buttons cycle through speed and then pattern - one cycles upward from mildest vibration to most intense, followed by each of the patterns, and the other button does the same in reverse. Having patterns on the same button as speed is not intuitive, and when I'm in the middle of things, intuitive controls are a must. Putting speed on one button and patterns on the other is a _much_ easier interface when my brain is otherwise occupied.

The frustrating: There is no basic pulse pattern. This is the real deal-breaker for me. As much as I hate them, I can live with the controls. The patterns are all too busy, though. Every pattern, except for straight buzz, has multiple elements to it, where it will do one thing for a few seconds, then a different thing for another few seconds, followed by yet another thing for a few seconds. My bits like consistency, so this was _extremely_ frustrating for me.

I don't actually lament the money I spent on this; I would not want to use someone else's returned sex toy, cuz ick. So I am completely onboard with the whole no-returns thing. That said, I am bummed that this did not turn out to be the toy for me.

Recommendations/wishlist for the manufacturer:
* Separate buttons for speed and pattern
* One or 2 simple, one-rhythm patterns
* A chart expressing the patterns - even something as simple as dots and dashes would have given me enough information to know I should go look at one of your other toys, instead buying this one